Friday, December 7, 2012

Year of change-2012

Year of Change

As the year comes to the end, time for some reflection. This year has been a year of change....change of attitude, change of relationships, change of hearts and change of jobs.And not all change has been good.
My friend tells me that "This all was bound to happen as rahu has entered ur grah ". Earlier I used to reject such things as fiction of imagination, but i told him "Yes, maybe u r right". The roller-coaster I have gone through (and i see it continuing), is not for faint hearted. But I was always a brave heart. Let me clarify I am not very courageous, so I will not challenge the lion in the jungle, but if the lion challenges me, I would give him tough time. This is minute difference, and tats the way I am.
The year started badly, giving me some of the worst times of my life. Pain, they say, one has to go through to be a better person, to be great. And I always wanted to be great, not knowing some pains can be really painful  really unbearable, really difficult.
Why certain relations need to be broken/modified to keep the new relations? Why some new relations compel you to change urself, ur old relations?
I know, no one will have the answers. But its good to ask questions and try to find answers. It helps to utilize ur time.
At one time, things were looking good, and for one moment I thought, I thought maybe it s all going to be set the way I always imagined, I always wanted...
I think (I am note sure of anything these days), I did bend over to make sure things remain the way they are. But then destiny is not written excatly they way we think. And the next moment, it was all gone.... blown up into ashes....flying all front of me, over me.....everywhere....and I was laughing.... laughing at myself... what a fool I was.... thinking ... hahaha.... wat a fool.....
Trying to figure out wat I can do, there came an idea, lets try and change the place.... new place, new job, new envitonment, might work it out.
So switched countires, dressing sense, accent and wat not.... but still .... the pain remains as it is....
I wont forget u 2012, never.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Fear of spilling oil

Things seem better now, but every now and then the splash of uncertainty takes away the relief of normalcy. One normal day is a big relief. But which day it will  be is never known. There is constant fear, constant uncertainty to to when things will go wrong. Its like walking on the eggshells. In hindi there is story of a person carying a pot filled with oil and at any cost he has to make sure he doesnt spills it. His fully attention is on not spilling the oil and therefore he is not aware of his surroundings however beautiful they are. He cannot enjoy anything as his focus it not spilling the oil.
My life has somewhat become like this person. All my focus is on how to make sure things dont go wrong, cause if it does it affects all three of us , special our kid. And for this I have to head bad things about my self, my family members and let her do anything she wants from shopping, raoming, sleeping, shouting .... the list is long.It seems that I have scarified everything about me for her, but all she has for me are complaints...!
Life is beautiful...!