Sunday, January 25, 2009

nam ankhen

aj ankhen nam hai
kutch tu gham hai

dil mein chupa hua
ankhon mein jhalakta hua

ro nahin saktein hai hum
par kar tu saktein hai ankhen nam

zindagi jeena chahte the hum
sab kutch jeet lena chahte the hum
na socha tha takdeer kya hogi
na socha tha kaisa hoga tasavvur hamara

Dekhte-2 humari duniya palat gayi
ek hi pal mein humari zindagi badal gayi

Na jeene ki qwahish hai
na maut ka hai asra
ab hum kya karien
mere khuda tu hi bata

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Right and Wrong

Like everything, our thoughts and attitude also changes with changing times. So has been the case with me. I changed a lot in past few years. I am really not sure good or bad, cause the change has made me confused for the first time in life. And for the first time I am not sure of things to do.

Generally I am very clear person-I know what I want and what i dont. But then I am also very principle centred and believe in right ans wrong. History has been proof that people who have been principle centred, never had great family life. And my mistake is I want a good family life as well.

A good family life is nothing but ability to compromise as per situation, which i find very difficult  do but have been doing till date. I thought after thathe teething problems finally one day it will stabilize. But i was wrong. But that is not the hproblem. The problem is now my family is going to get bigger, we are expecting one more member.

When I heard this news was i was full of joy with a sense of proud. The feeling of fathering a child is one of the best a man can have. I was full of dreams. But soon reality stuck me and I realised that the greatest bliss should have been given a miss. When 2 person cannot make gud family i dont think they can take gud care of the third person. Life becomes more complicated. Now the two will feel they are burdened by the third and cant even think of separation. They will life for the new one and not for each other. And any relationship, which is binded by a third force can never last long. 

But what saddens me is the thought of being asked by my child "Papa when u cud not give me gud life why did u brought me in this world?". The very thought of this burdens my heart and makes me feel cry (but i wont cause i am a man). What will i answer him? I love kids, looking into thier small but twinkling eyes, thier innocent smiles, thier cute ways. For so many years I have been thinking how i will raise my kids, how will i treat them and more importantly what kinda life will i give them. But suddenly I feel guilty of thinking all this.

So I should have not brought him because we two could not resolve our difference or create a good uderstanding. The question is not about who is at fault, the question is should I bring him in this world or not? The question is "What right and what is wrong?"

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

kya bataein aur kisko bataein
kaise the hum aur kya ho gaye hai hum

zindagi ko jindadili se jite the hum
chahe ho khushi ya gham

par ab zindagi se mayus ho gaye hain hum
har khusi se mehroom ho gaye hain hum

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I had committed one mistake. Though I did not realise it then, soon after i did. I decided lot of things to overcome it, but destiny had it other way. I committed another mistake. And now I think there is no way out. I am going to live my life as if I am already dead. It is a stange feeling... painfull , regretfull, angry ... all a t the same time.